Have you been encouraged to jump on the self-care bandwagon with the phrase, “You can’t pour from an empty cup?” This so-called wisdom is commonly used to encourage women to implement “me-time,” otherwise now known as “self care.” The empty cup illustration sounds very noble, doesn’t it? It makes us feel as if we have so much to give, if only we had a chance to first fill ourselves up.
But the wisdom of this world is as foolishness with God (1 Corinthians 3:19). Ladies, we don’t need to first fill ourselves up in order to give of ourselves. But for some reason this “wisdom” is everywhere, and even comes from Christians.
The Bible gives us a very clear example of why this is not wisdom at all. The Apostle Paul, author of a huge portion of the New Testament, gave us a very opposite view:
“I am already being poured out as a drink offering…” (2 Timothy 4:6).
John MacArthur says, “At this time, he (Paul) was in a cold cell, in chains, and with no hope of deliverance. Abandoned by virtually all of those close to him for fear of persecution and facing imminent execution, Paul wrote to Timothy…” (John MacArthur Study Bible, NKJV 1997) He was definitely not in a place of comfort or rest.
Yet he wrote such lasting gems as:
God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)
Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15)
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17)
How could such exhortations and instruction come from an empty cup? How could Paul possibly serve God and his fellow man without first taking a bit of R&R?
The key is in the “drink offering.” Paul was referring to a sacrificial offering, well known to the Jews.
His life was a daily sacrifice. He was imprisoned, beaten, abandoned…and yet he literally poured himself out as an offering. In the end, he was killed for preaching the Gospel.
Paul knew his death was imminent, and he knew why. Just after he stated that he had poured out his life as a drink offering, he said, “the time of my departure is at hand.” (2 Timothy 4:6)
In other verses, Paul said, “Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:2) And, “Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” (2 Timothy 3:12)
Throughout his ministry, Paul faced opposition and hardship. And yet he produced so many of the great scriptures that have instructed and encouraged Christians for 2,000 years.
Ladies, you may not face persecution, or be asked to write great epistles, but you are asked to share the Gospel and be a servant. You may be raising little children, or caring for the elderly, or loving a difficult person. What God asks, He gives strength to complete. Whether you’re tired, busy, overwhelmed, depressed, emotionally drained…whatever. God is your strength.
I have learned through some very tough experiences that the harder our days are, the closer we draw to God. We give and serve because He gives to us. It is not bubble baths or wine or caffeine or girl’s night out that strengthens us; it is the joy of the Lord. (Nehemiah 8:10)
It is the peace that passes all understanding. <– Guess who wrote that one? Yep. Paul. From prison.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Pilippians 4:6-7)
It is in our weakness that He is made strong. Oh, look! Another gem from Paul:
“And He (the Lord) said, My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
God uses our weakest times, the times we need Him most, to minister to others. We do not need to fill up our cups first; we just need to be willing vessels, to be poured out whenever and wherever we are needed. He fills us with what we need. No person, no event, no quiet relaxation, no substance can do what God can do.
As I close, I want to share one more from that Apostle who poured out his life as a drink offering:
“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinithians 12:10)
- Related Post: When You’re Overwhelmed
- Related Post: Don’t Follow Your Heart
This is an interesting perspective. While I agree with you that filling yourself up with the things that comfort you isn’t necessary before sharing Jesus, filling ourselves with God’s Word is. So if you look at the “empty cup” from the perspective of time with the Lord, then I feel like this does apply (because we know that Paul was doing that, despite his horrid living conditions in prison).
I love your writing style and your heart for sharing. Thanks for putting this out there!
To me self care isn’t bubble baths, mom’s night out, or wine.
It’s making sure I get up before my kids and read my Bible, eating well to keep my body healthy, getting rest so I have patience with my kids, and getting exercise so I can keep up with them.
That is filling my cup so I can help them and be an example for them. I cant teach others or be an example to others if I’m not taking care of myself or doing the things I teach.
I think of the saying, not so much as having “me time” in order to pour myself out to others, but as referring to having “God time” in order to be more like Him, and therefore functioning the the way He desires me to. We are meant to go out and get our “bread” every day. This means we can’t spend time with God one day a week and expect to be fed all week. I don’t think it’s “wisdom of the world” to want to get fed daily by God (ie spending time with him first thing) before you try giving of yourself. Its Him in us that produces the fruits of the spirit. So I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to fill your cup, as long as it’s Him your filling it with. And that’s what I’ve always taken this saying to mean.
To me self-care includes isolating myself and doing what I need to do to take care of myself like spending some quiet time alone, reading/studying my bible, getting some rest or working out. But no matter what I do, the ultimate goal is to keep God first. The bible also states that we should mediate on the word day and night. So… if we’re not doing that, we will eventually start running dry. We need to keep ourselves filled and planted into the word daily in order to minister and serve others around us.
What and where exactly are we pouring? Technically it should say: ‘You can’t DRINK from an empty cup’. or, You can’t pour from an empty POT. Where do people come up with these sayings?
I wouldn’t normally respond to such nonsense but I’m
I’m a mood so here goes. In today’s society women are expected to be it all: partners, mothers, providers, keep in shape, be sexy but not slutty etc. etc. and it’s exhausting. People burn out, men included. Being well balanced by taking care of your family, your partner, and yes yourself IS important. You cannot be the best version of yourself if you do not spend some time taking care of just you and in doing so you WILL be better for everyone else in your life. So, no you cannot pour from an empty cup. Your archaic, asinine, fictional, bible babble bullshit is seriously damaging. At best you’re saying live an exhausting life of servitude never taking care of yourself, wow that sounds fun, and at worst this mentality can cause people to reach past their limit and end their own lives because suicide, mental illness, and burn out are real things that happen to people. When someone needs me I show up no matter what, I make a point to take care of the world I live in the best I can because that’s what humanists do we act we don’t just quite ridiculous scriptures or say pray about it. But then I make sure I take care of me too because I’m a person too and I deserve that as any human does.
Your opinion of the Bible and my beliefs that come fromt it have confirmed that we are not on the same page.
My response was similar. This post is enough to drive someone to some drastically negative actions. Truly a disservice!
Thank you for saying this, Internet stranger. I happened upon this drivel through a random Internet search and the lack of human compassion for the woman who is being asked to give when she’s “tired, busy, overwhelmed, depressed, emotionally drained…whatever” made me angry like very little has made me angry recently. This kind of thinking is exactly what drove my mother to exhaustion and an eventual heart attack. This is too damaging to dismiss as “to each his own”.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I think you misunderstand my point.
Agreed!! Ask any psycohological expert — taking time for oneself to rest and recuperate, by doing things that bring you joy (whether that be religious or not), is integral to good mental health. Your kids, partner, job, etc. will get the best version of you, when you are fulfilled, well-rested and content. Whatever that means to oneself — religion or not.
Wow! Perfectly said! My exact thoughts! Thank you so much for taking time out of your hectic day to write this because so many people are traumatized with religious beliefs that they can’t see how this absurd mentality can lead to burn out and suicidal tendencies, we are only human beings not robots we deserve to rest and to take care of ourselves to take care of others otherwise you will burn out and not be able to take care of no one including yourself that’s the reality not this ridiculous belief.
Nicki- Obviously you are not a single mother whose co-parent refuses to pay child support. I live in an area where I have to come up with $3700 a month by myself just to pay rent not to mention money to feed and clothe my children and provide transportation for them. I absolutely pray for God’s grace and blessings to rain down on us and he does provide.
However, if I sat around and prayed for God to give me the strength without using the intelligence he allow me to possess to monitor my daily emotional and spiritual energy output I would be in a mental institution.
I chose the fathers of my children. I am paying the price for those choices that being said your advice is a horrible disservice to women like me.
Choosing a good night sleep or purchasing a coffee shop tea or choosing to spend money on a massage not only keeps my morale up but provides the encouragement I need to continue to give all I have day after day to love and provide for my children and to make up for what their fathers choose to withhold. So while
I understand your advice is well intended as figuratively we are supposed to draw our strength from the Lord, practically some of us can’t just wait around with our hands out and turn off our brains waiting for the next miracle without making intelligent choices.
Your post has the same negative effect as my college youth group teaching of telling girls we were worthless without our virginity which led me to attempt suicide after loosing mine to my “Christian” boyfriend at 21. Christian teaching that promotes shame and failure is lethal. What you write has the power to destroy and drive a woman like me to suicide. Take care and consider what you write.
I am sorry that my post came across as negative and horrible to you. It was not intended that way. It was intended to encourage women to go deeper and closer in their walk with God. And in case you were wondering, I have been a single mother without child support, home, or job. I have been down to the bottom. I speak from experience. I learned what I wrote here during some of the hardest times of my life, when I did not have money for a drive-through coffee or a pedicure. I barely had enough to feed my girls. I learned then that if all I had was prayer, that was enough. If all I had was worship, that was enough. You mught be surprised to find that it is enough when it’s all you have.
How long would your girls survive on prayer alone? How many plates of prayers does it take to fill one’s belly? If you believe god is perfect and his plan is perfect, why would you pray for anything other than what will be? If you pray for understanding, you are suggesting god did not intend for you to lack the understanding that you are begging for. If everything god does is perfect, your lack of understanding is exactly what god wanted. If it wasn’t exactly as he wished, you would understand. Do you understand? Remember, if god is as perfect as you hope, he sent me to write out this message to you to tell you to keep cherry-picking verses from a book that’s thousands of years old that was written over hundreds of years by a variety of people based on oral history. Ignore those pesky parts that would make your life difficult to live. For example, “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:11-12, New International Version).
I don’t ignore 1 Timothy 2.
God is perfect. I believe the Bible is inspired by God, and believe every word of it. The Bible also admonishes believers to “pray without ceasing” and that the “effectual, fervent prayer of a righeous man avails much” and that “the prayers of faith will save the sick” and on and on. Prayer is a vital part of a Christian’s life.
Yep. Haters gonna hate
Your understanding of the saying is actually very superficial. It’s not “bubble baths” and all. It means taking care of the “self” which includes psychologically, mentally, spiritually – so when you go out to the world, you have the energy needed to serve those around you. And as for you, “to serve God.” Your perspective is quite narrow. If I may, the wisdom behind the quote is actually very valuable. Now let me ask you these…how can you be a well-functioning member of your church, your community, if you are not taking care of yourself? How can you effectively take on all your roles in this society if you are mentally, psychologically, spiritually drained? Maybe you need to reconsider your views on the matter and take a new look, and maybe modify your perspective. Have a good day! 🙂
* Nicki … please be of service and come help me in NY with my home and family… PLEASE!!! Unfortunately, the prayers I said and bible passages I read did not fold the laundry, do dishes, change my child’s diaper , complete my job, cook, or mop up the juice my child spilled.
Beautifully said! The words and style of living that society held even 50 years ago has completely changed. God always comes first but I am currently having a mental breakdown over a lack of time and sleepfor myself. We work 40 hour work weeks come home (keep in mind the 40 hour work week was for men to work while women stayed home) ,clean ,cook, and either play both the mother and father role or take care of our husbands. The standards held today and the standards this blog mentioned are impossible to live by in todays world. God is great and so is spending time with him but so is a break to just be human, not an employee, mother, or wife and cater to others when there is nothing left in you. I believe this is unfortunately a recipe for disaster that is mentioned in this blog. Not only now would I feel unable to meet the standards society has placed but also the standards mentioned in this blog. A new perspective or empathy would be considerate to the mothers out there reading this thinking “Cool… another impossible standard”
I think you misunderstand my point. I understand busy and overwhelmed. But I also know God sustains us through the most difficult times. Yes you need sleep. Yes you need peace and quiet sometimes. Yes you need a break. But the danger is in thinking that those are the only things that give us strength. I do take a nap if I can, and sit on the front porch to get a moment of quiet from time to time. It’s not an impossible standard I’m advocating, unless you consider the goodness of God impossible. We are still human, but we’re not completely helpless.
This is crap. Self care can be many things. For example, if you are imprisoned and in chains…self care might look like continued devotion and prayer to feed your soul. Singing psalms and repeating memorized scripture vs feeding into self pity and anger…
Self care is not selfish. It means taking care of your earthly body and feeding your spirit. The Bible tells us to take care and preserve the gifts we are given.
Your health, physical and mental…is a need you must meet to the best of your ability in order to serve Christ!
I think besides the “this is crap” part, you agree with me. Read the article again.
Dear Nicki,
Thank you for sharing your heart and perspective. For me it was good to reflect on the apostle Paul and how he managed to serve the Lord to extent he did in his circumstances.
I came up on this article while meditating on Psalm 16:5, “The LORD is the portion of my inheritance and my cup.”
What if I’m not the cup that serves those around me? The LORD is my cup. This puts things in a whole new light for me.
Blessings on you and all who are here ❤️
Thank you for this post. Literally what I needed to hear/read today.
This is one of the most ignorant and fanatical things I’ve read on the internet.
Amen sister. Ignorant and delusional doesn’t even begin to capture this post. Also feels like the author lacks compassion and an understanding of others outside their school of though… I wish the world was filled with individuals who held more empathy and acceptance — everyone is different, and therefore will inherently have different things that will “fill their cup”. I don’t think any one of us is in a position to dictate which things are worthwhile investments of our time, when attempting to refill our metaphysical cups. No one method is truer or better than others. You do what works for you, and you try not to judge others who feel differently than you do. Feels like common sense. I.e., A “Good for you, not for me.” mentality here, might be best.
Yes! I completely agree with you!! Very absurd! this is what religious trauma does to people! Unfortunately, they don’t recognize it.
We come from God. He is within all of us. When we look within ourselves, we are looking at the energy of the source. Who are we to neglect and dishonor his blessings?
The way I pour into my cup is making the time to honor the mind, body, and soul God has given me. Consuming good health, producing good health. Strengthening the health of my anatomy, cooking and eating healthy delicious meals, slowing down and making time to live, laugh, love doing important things with important people..
It’s important for me to make time to rest as I work to survive.. there are people like my father that worked to give money to alllll their family and friends. My father was the most generous person.. only because he wanted to benefit from being generous. He liked to act strong and making people weak. He was greedy and controlling, abusive and neglectful, expected everyone to sacrifice their mind body and soul for him. He tried to boast of his riches, his kindness incomparable. Everyone owed him apparently. He did “no wrong”, for he was Gods “holiest servant.” Claims to be the most knowing and giving, yet he was the most draining energy.. the most irresponsible human I have ever met. Yes, I was grateful to have certain privileges. But none of it was pure or genuine. It was possessed. His sacrifices were impure, psychological and spiritual weapons.
Yes, we are asked to be God’s servant. What God asks, he gives strength to complete. But how do we work with it? Whether we’re tired, busy, overwhelmed, depressed, emotionally drained.. God IS our strength. But God has placed us in different lives, privileges, and abilities.. Yet no matter who we are or what we’re doing, I ask: is it a good idea to weaken the gifts God has given our bodies, ignore our health, and constantly put ourselves second in this one life he has given us? Sometimes I believe some may have cursed limiting beliefs against embracing our authentic selves, tormenting one soul to another.
In this world, how can we possibly share the gospel without a pure heart, mind, and soul? There must be compassion, acceptance, to what we experience in the now. Or else how can we do the same for others? That is how we grow and cultivate the strength God has given us, correct? God, life, love, energy may not be linear or permanent. Like you said, it is our mission to be God’s servants. But without guidance… how? We have and always will be humans first. Human behavior is based on human connection… it’s a process to grow into God’s servants, growing into good people. We must be able to learn how to do our duty to the best of our abilities… constantly pouring from an empty cup, you are vulnerable negativity; demons and disconnecting from the source. Abuse and neglect within becomes shared to our community. Sacrifice can only be so pure for so long. We may find ourselves in cycles of pain, torturing ourselves and others with the misery of sacrifice that has reached the point of abuse and neglect. Possession; as within, so without… Eventually, we can become greedy, putting our pain onto others, sinning as we claim to sacrifice— for who? We may lose ourselves, our connection with God. Intention is very important. Whatever you do, are you doing it for God or for a false god? Does it strengthen the blessings God has given you or does it weaken?
The reason why I believe we cannot pour from an empty cup, is because I’ve seen people try it too many times. For validation, for power, for greed. Too busy looking for others to do the duty God has assigned them. To act holier than thou, and then to use it as a psychological and spiritual weapon. Using what is without to compensate for what’s missing within, spreading disconnect from the source. What for? With all this technology, along with our generational curses, many more continue to make unnecessary sacrifices for a false God, putting their mental, physical, spiritual health last to prove that they are “perfect.”
Our lives are God’s creation. How must we take care of what God had given us? I would love to hear how else we can sustain the capacity to share the gospel and honor God’s blessings. How else can we protect our faith?
As a committed Christ follower and a professional in the mental health field, I totally get your perspective, but want to reiterate what was shared in some of the comments below. Self-care is not about selfish me-time that takes away from others. Self-care is prioritizing spiritual disciplines (prayer, Bible reading, fasting, church attendance), spending time with loved ones and valuable community, and taking care of your temple (proper nutrition, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, etc.), amongst other things. Unfortunately our society has misconstrued self-care to be self-indulgent and selfish – however true self-care should never detract from our God-given responsibilities. If anything, it should EMPOWER us to give God our best. There will absolutely be times when we have to burn the candle at both ends and live sacrificially (that’s biblical) – however I do believe we must recognize our limitations and personal needs.
I see the heart behind this article. And while I agree that God is our source and sustenance, I believe articles like this are harmful to emotional health within the Church, particularly to women. I’m currently studying what it means to “love oneself” as part of some sermon research on Agape love and your article popped up in a google search on pouring from an empty cup. I was sad to see the narrow focus that seems to perpetuate the glorification of overwhelm, and of busyness somehow being a virtuous lifestyle that is rewarded by our Abba.
Yes, Paul was imprisoned and God sustained him and he made the best of a very bad situation. Things happen to us in our lives and we are called to mine really crappy situations and circumstances for the good God can bring from all things. There are also times when we get inundated and feel lost and can’t seem to find anything good. Thank God He’s with us then, too. Still loving, sustaining and holding us.
Respectfully, though, you truly cannot “pour from an empty cup” (or that should NOT be the goal in daily life!) and this being what a poor, overwhelmed, overworked woman finds in a google search, ESPECIALLY if she doesn’t have a relationship with Jesus and doesn’t know His heart, is harmful. It falls into the same category as staying in an abusive relationship and claiming that’s a valid interpretation of “turn the other cheek” in scripture, when in fact context changes the whole face of that scripture from “just take the abuse” to “face your abuser and set a healthy boundary.”
The difference I see between Paul’s situation and that of a stressed, overwhelmed mom who is burning the candle at both ends is choice. Paul did not choose imprisonment. He was following God’s leading and direction and it ended up being a part of his story. Most of the overtaxed women I know have made a choice to de-prioritize themselves in a way that is harmful and not loving or virtuous in any way. You cannot “love your neighbor as yourself” effectively if you don’t love yourself. When we sacrifice something that has no value to us, is it really a sacrifice? In a healthy, loving relationship with Jesus, there may be moments of overwhelm and sacrifice, and of COURSE He will sustain us. But what if His plan for sustenance actually involves us learning how to set boundaries and take care of ourselves? Our society has made self-care into something that sounds like luxury (you mention a bubble bath) and sadly the Church has bought into it and therefore deemed it as unnecessary or even sinful. This is not doctrinally sound. I do not believe it is the heart of God for us to live perpetually in survival mode on a daily basis.
The call to love ourselves so that we can love our neighbor is about emotional health and being our best self so that we can give to others more than just our breadcrumbs that are leftover from the poverty of spirit we live in. Creating a home that is a safe space, where mom (and DAD!) prioritize getting enough sleep, eating nutritiously, moving their bodies because we were created to move. . .being aware of how our past baggage impacts our emotions and our interactions with others, and doing the internal work to process those emotions in a healthy way. All of those things can be self-care. They enable us to care for others from a place of genuine love rather than obligation and burnout.
While I see that your heart in this article is to point us to God as our source and sustaining force, please consider a different perspective and think about asking God to reveal any pieces of your thinking that may be a reaction to our humanistic culture rather than a fully thought out examination of scripture. Also, please consider either removing this article or updating it with content that glorifies God’s role in being emotionally healthy, rather than encouraging a false sense of piousness in living our life on the fumes of “giving” out of lack.